i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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