I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
