I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
worst night to have a conscience
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
