Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
