I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
