Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
