we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
