There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
