I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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