Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
