would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
