Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
