PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
