did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize