You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
