I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
