You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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