He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
