We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
