My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
