It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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