I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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