My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
