i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
