I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
