one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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