Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
