nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
