what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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