i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
