college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have post one night stand depression
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
