Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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