Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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