No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
