is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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