Umm I'm too high to move.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
