Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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