i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
