well you can't waste a boner
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
