barbara walters just said penis...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
