I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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