According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
