I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
