do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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