Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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