apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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