I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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