Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
