sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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