The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
