in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize