I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
last night I used snow as a chaser
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
