i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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