There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
