no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
