I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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