He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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