Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
