i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize