oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
