I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
