i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You are the jesus of drinking
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
