i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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