I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
