drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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