her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
