I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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